did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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