3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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