sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
