I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need a beard to bite.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
