Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
