Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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