no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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