i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
