Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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