FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
