saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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