I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
