I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
