so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
