he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do vagina's smell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize