Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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