he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
