sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
