when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I want her autograph on my taint
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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