I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
