Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
