Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
