yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
