when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
