Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
