Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
