At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
