Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
