Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
