I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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