I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
