so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
