I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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