My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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