It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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