Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
