I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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