he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
