were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
