Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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