is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
