...so i touched it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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