We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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