My brain says no but my pants say off.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
