K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
