This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
