Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
