Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
