well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
