I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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