im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
