hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
