My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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