whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it because I queefed?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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