I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
