Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize