Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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