I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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