Do you still have your period?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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