this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
