new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
