and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
